CLINT HAWKEYE BARTON: UNIT USER GUIDE AND MANUAL
by SkywardWriter
Summary: Here's some basic info and tips on how to take care of and use your unit to the fullest extent!


**A/N: In response to a couple reviews, the Skyward Units Company does accept credit and debit cards as well as cash!(at least it would if it were real...cries in a corner) Anyway! Here's Hawkeye! Enjoy!**

CLINT "HAWKEYE" BARTON: USER GUIDE AND MANUAL

CONGRATULATIONS! You are now the proud owner of a CLINT "HAWKEYE" BARTON unit. The following information is basic things to know and tips on how to care for it.

Technical Specifications:

Name: Clint, Hawkeye, Barton, the Hawk

Weight: 230 lbs

Height: 6'3"

Age: Approximately 38

Place of Manufacture: Waverly, Iowa

Length: The longest arrow he has isn't in his quiver.

This unit comes with the following accessories:

One (1) Collapsable bow with laser sight

One (1) Black leather jacket

One (1) Quiver with exchangeable arrowheads

One (1) Pair of sunglasses

One (1) Copy of "How to Annoy a Master Assassin and Live"

Two (2) Medical syringes with sedatives

Programming:

Assassin: As a highly trained master assassin, this unit can take care of anyone you want gone. Like that really annoying neighbor who keeps reading your mail.

Spy: Since this unit prefers being hidden in high up places anyway, using him to spy on people is a perfect job for this unit. Also, being an assassin, he is very observant.

Bodyguard: As I said before, he is a master assassin. He will be able to protect you no matter what. This job is absolutely perfect for him.

Removal from packaging: This unit can be very deadly if woken up incorrectly. Even without his bow(shipped in separate box) waking him up is a dangerous task.

1. If you are absolutely sure he was not jostled during shipment you may open without fear of being killed.

2. Leave a Loki Laufeyson unit or a Natasha Romanoff unit with the box. Your unit will be out of the box in no time.(For very different reasons)

3. Threaten to take away his bow. He burst out of the box and begin his attempts to kill you for the bow. If you are a fast runner, we highly suggest running away. If not, hide and pray he does not find you.

Reprogramming: This unit has a strange variety of modes you can reprogram him to.

Recluse(default)

Friend(Secondary)

Awkward Fish(Brother)

Rage

Romantic

Insane(locked)

Loki'd(unadvised)

This unit's default mode will wear off once he gets to know you then Friend mode will activate. This secondary mode will allow him to make jokes and have fun around you while basically owning anyone who messes with him.

Awkward Fish mode is activated like all other brother modes but is only active for a short time. In this mode your unit will attempt to awkwardly comfort you then destroy the person who caused the problem. Afterwards this mode will shut down.

Rage mode is activated if threaten him in any way form or fashion. In this mode your unit will destroy everything it sees. The best way to deactivate this is somehow convince a LOKI LAUFEYSON unit to come over. The very sight of this unit will return your HAWKEYE unit to his default mode.

Romantic is activated by kicking your unit's butt at being a spy repeatedly. He will begin to develop feelings for you and show them with awkward, loving gestures.

Insane mode is activated by not letting him sleep for three weeks straight then singing "The wheels on the bus go round and round!" over and over and over. In this mode he will either sit in a corner laughing maniacally or sit in a corner laughing maniacally while plotting your doom and loving every second of it. Best way to deactivate this is to sedate him.

Loki'd mode is activated by letting a Loki unit turn your unit to the dark side. In this mode your unit will not hesitate to kill anything that moves. Several model developers have died while testing this. We still don't know how to deactivate it.

Relationships with other units: This unit gets along best with Natasha Romanoff units and is friends at best with others. He absolutely hates Loki units with every fiber of his being.

Feeding: This unit will feed himself regardless of your attempts to cook for him. Do not try to make him eat your cooking even if it is delicious.

Cleaning: This unit will clean himself. He will not appreciate you jumping in the shower with him(in fact he may just shoot you in the face if you try this).

Rest: He will sleep when he feels he needs it. No sooner or later.

Frequently asked questions: Q. My unit shoves me away every time I try to hug him. Why is he doing this?

A. You probably haven't let him switch to his secondary mode yet. It's best to not hug him until he considers you a friend.

Q. My unit is constantly trolling me, and I want to get him back. What's the best way to do this?

A. Look at your copy of "How to Annoy a Master Assassin and Live". All answers you seek shall be there.

Troubleshooting:

Problem: Instead of receiving a CLINT "HAWKEYE" BARTON unit in the mail, I got a blonde woman with several guns.

Solution: Oops! We accidentally sent you a RIZA HAWKEYE unit from our Fullmetal Alchemist branch. Send her right back and we'll replace her with a CLINT "HAWKEYE" BARTON unit immediately.

Problem: My unit tries to slit my throat everytime I fall asleep. WHAT THE MATH IS GOING ON!?

Solution: Your unit is in Insane mode. SEDATE HIM IMMEDIATELY!

We hope you enjoy your new unit! Please look forward to our next model, Bruce Banner(hulk)!


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